My Wife's Friend

I have mixed feelings about my wife’s menstruation.  I’ve trained myself to be happy when it comes because it means we’ve navigated another month without conceiving children.  We’re busy enough with two adolescents and don’t want to go back to the starting gate.  So, although I welcome it from the family planning perspective, my initial reaction is often a selfish, “Damn, no sex for a week.”

To complicate the situation, Jasmin suffers from pretty bad cramps for the first few days.  During this time, she is not in a great mood and becomes easily irritated.  I’m often the object of her menstrual fury.  Behavior that would not piss her off the rest of the month causes her to glare at me with annoyance, repeating the famous phrase, “You know what time of the month it is.”

My feelings about menstruation are colored by the fact that Jasmin’s cramps cause her to be irritable.  My ability to be compassionate is sometimes lacking.  Even though I’m happy she’s not pregnant, I get a little aggravated that I have to deal with her short-temperedness every month.  We often have small arguments on the first or second day of her period until I decide to back off because experience tells me there is no winning at this time.

I pine for the wise old days of Moon Lodges.  The Moon Lodge was a tradition in many Indigenous cultures.  A separate space of honor was provided for menstruating women.  Recognizing that this was a special time, the women would gather to reflect, relax and connect with Spirit, relieved of everyday responsibilities.  Their regular duties were picked up by family or community members and the Lodge guests were cared for by elder women not on their menses.  Both menstruating women and their families got a break.

Jasmin takes it easier at the start of her period but her responsibilities don’t allow her to just rest a few days straight.  Because there’s no place she can easily go away and chill while she’s menstruating, she still has to deal with me and the kids.  If she did hang out with a girlfriend during her time, I’d be afraid that might result in a quid pro quo of our house being visited throughout the month her cramp driven, irritable friends.

To help me improve my attitude, I printed up a little sign that says “Moon Lodge” and tape it to our bedroom door when I notice it’s that time of the month.  This reminds me to show more compassion for the cramps.  I try extra hard to be patient which makes my life more pleasant as well.  Like so many things in our fast paced society, we cannot totally experience the slower, simpler world of old, but we can use our intelligence to approximate the best parts of it.

I have a vested interest in showing more empathy when Jasmin suffers from menstrual cramps.  It helps to minimize the conflict in our relationship by acknowledging there’s a powerful, largely unseen, process that I don’t fully understand happening within her body.  I still don’t get sex for a week, but there’s less tension in our home.

I know all women wouldn’t want to use a traditional Moon Lodge.  But, as a society, we could incorporate more Moon Lodges for women who do want it.  Honoring the sacred time of a woman’s menstruation in a conscious way supports greater harmony in all relationships.  President Obama might even support an initiative to establish Moon Lodges across the country.  It’s not that far-fetched an idea.  It just depends on how bad the First Lady’s cramps are.